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We have a NEW MEMBER joining the young+creatives team! Sarah Haines, joined the team as our Media Coordinator.
This week on young+creatives Christian and Sarah discuss what their self care routine looks like. How it has affected their daily life, and offer different tools and tips that can easily be applied to your daily life.
In this episode of young+creatives we cover several key topics including:
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Christian Payton 00:00
On today’s episode, we’re gonna be going over pretty much how do you take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, physically? I guess financially we can touch on that, like if the opportunity presents itself. Yeah, we’ll just dive right in. Here our vision marketing group, our team of young professionals get creative with youth in mind. We strive to educate, inspire and promote authentic creativity across all job fields. This is young creative, guys. Welcome back to the podcast today. We have two members from the revision team. Me Christian and then we also have our newest hire Sarah Haines. She is our new marketing coordinator. How are you Sarah? Doing pretty good excited about today’s episode?
Sarah Haines 00:45
Yes. First time ever. Yeah, pretty excited. Definitely
Christian Payton 00:48
gonna knock it out of the park. So how do you feel like you take care of yourself?
Sarah Haines 00:54
Well, just like day to day, I definitely have a routine. And I think that’s really one of the things that’s like kept me going when it comes to taking care of myself is like no matter how I’m feeling, I’m like, I need to do these like five things today. Yeah. And so like writing them down ahead of time definitely helps. But just pretty much moving throughout the day, like exercising at some point, whether it’s like actually running or yoga, or just like going on a walk. It kind of keeps me where I’m not distracted by my phone distracted by all these other things.
Christian Payton 01:25
Yeah. I think that you said something about routine. I think that’s really good. Because for a while when I didn’t have routine, I was like, my life is all over the place. It was just chaotic. And it was easy for me to like, I guess, like get down on myself, because I wasn’t doing anything that I felt was super productive. But when you said, writing stuff down, that has helped me a lot. So within the past, I guess like month, I’ve been super busy. And so my phone between my phone my Google like, what is it? What do we use calendar? Reminders. We do have a lot of systems. And then the reminders on my phone, it’s like, okay, well, it’s like helping me like, create a routine because at the beginning of the year, it was like, I want to start all this stuff. But then there was no like organization or like, I didn’t know like what I should do first or, but now I’m getting a hang of it. So I think that’s like helped me be proactive, I guess when it comes to like getting a getting a kickstart on health is like a part of your health.
Sarah Haines 02:36
Yeah, definitely. Because it’s like, once I’m feeling, I think underlying one, somebody is confident in themselves. And they treat themselves kindly that totally reflects on how they treat other people.
Christian Payton 02:46
So to you what does it mean to like, take care of yourself? Or why is it important?
Sarah Haines 02:52
Well, it’s like mental health is about the environment, you’re in a lot of the time, right? So if you put yourself in a good headspace, that’s part of your environment to like how you see everything, just like when I’m feeling really insecure. Like, I find myself reading into what other people say, and how they interact with me. Like, I mainly am like, oh, they are criticizing me, instead of it being constructive criticism. Yeah, like they’re just straight up. Like, they don’t like me. And it’s because I’m thinking back, it’s because I lacked this, this and this, all the things I’m already insecure about. And so just definitely reflects for
Christian Payton 03:26
me, and having a routine has helped you get out of those spaces in life. Yeah, definitely.
Sarah Haines 03:30
It’s like, again, going back to take care of yourself is kindness. And then also like, just making yourself feel good. We know what like science to with yawning and moving your body to me, like that’s the first thing I do pretty much when I wake up, like I’ve gone through times, especially like the last this past year, where I’ve been just slowly kind of building up my confidence to finally actually like, do something like this, which is get a new job. Yeah. And to me, that’s been kind of my goal, like the last few years. I know that it’s just been such a mental break. Like I think just environment I was raised in like, all these things leading up to like, this last month has been mean just solely being like, take care of yourself. Like, don’t assume things about situations you know nothing about because you’re insecure. Like I just don’t, I’m always thinking, Oh, well, you know, they don’t, I’m not what they’re looking for. I can’t fulfill these roles. Yeah, you know, and then it’s always on the assumption of just like, I think I know how something’s gonna be. It’s like, you’re not even in that situation yet, which is why you’re scared. It’s like this weird circle.
Christian Payton 04:35
Yeah. That you’ll constantly live in until you just decide to like, I guess have faith and then step by step out on that. Yeah. So you mentioned like running and doing yoga. And is that something you’ve always been into?
Sarah Haines 04:48
No, well, okay, so in high school, I was homeschooled. So my dad started like a little homeschool track team. So I did that my senior year was a little bit later on in the game and then after that, I stopped Just running kind of recreationally just like to make myself feel good. And I really hated it. I thought it was terrible. I had bad running shoes. I think that’s part of it. Like I would get hurt all the time. Like I just was always in pain. And I was just like, I just don’t think my body’s meant to do this. Yeah. I don’t like, I don’t know, I think that I just felt really insecure even about running. Like, I would feel anxious before I’d go out and run even though I was just running by myself. Like, it wasn’t like I was trying to perform for anyone, but I just felt inadequate, so defeated before you even started. Exactly. And it again goes back to the mind games and like how you see yourself I think, too, but I don’t know running is a lot about mental, like breakthroughs.
Christian Payton 05:43
Yeah, my mom is like really big into fitness. And so that’s something that she always says is, don’t really focus on like, what’s ahead of you, like, think about, like what you’ve already accomplished as far as like, even like with running. So like, if you have to run a mile, I don’t think like I have to run like, at like another half mile. Like think about like the half my half mile you’ve already like, like finished. And like that really helps. It hasn’t really helped me with my running. But I’m like, I mean, I guess in a sense it has. But yeah, like, that’s some advice that she always gives, like, Do you have any advice that you would give as far as like, specifically when it comes to running?
Sarah Haines 06:21
What I used to do is, I would say kind of the idea of what your mom was saying where it’s, you know, you remember, you kind of think back okay, well, I’ve already gone this far. I can go more. Yeah. And along those lines, I would say, um, yeah, I can make it to that lamppost over there. But then I’m done. Like, I can just stop after that. Yeah. And it was almost if I knew I wasn’t going to stop, but I just told myself, just get over there. And then I would get there and be like, I can do another lamppost. And so I kind of just built up from that. And yeah, then further, you know, every
Christian Payton 06:48
time it’s a mind literally as a mind thing. Yeah, I think so
Sarah Haines 06:51
you are probably going to be in pain for no intense pain, but uncomfortability Yeah, you know, during most of your run, yeah. And that’s just because obviously, your body and muscles are moving and working hard. And so I think that it’s realizing that pain is part of the process, and that it can actually feel good in a way because it is an accomplishment. And so to me, it was just kind of like push a little bit more every time. And I felt like that definitely helps me build up my endurance. And then from endurance comes like, you know, getting faster or having a certain goal in mind.
Christian Payton 07:26
How do you feel like someone? Or how have you been able to, like become more consistent in like your journey of working out? I will say,
Sarah Haines 07:35
Well, I’ve gone through phases, like ever since high school, graduating high school, it’s been like six years, I guess? No, I’ve been through phases where I’ve not ran, you know, and kind of tried some other things. But I’ve always kind of come back to it. And I think it’s just the idea that, like, I’m able to clear my head. And it’s something that I’m kind of familiar with, I think that the way I’ve been able to be consistent is just to remind myself, that pain is part of it. And that the pain, there’s a result to that. It’s not like I’m physically putting myself through like torture or like, you know, getting like a bunch of piercings or tattoos. Yeah, no, it’s not like that kind of pain. Yeah. But it’s like the Yeah, the idea that it’s just pain is part of the process. It’s like purposeful pain. Yeah, exactly. Like that purposeful pain, just like you can’t avoid it in life, you know? And it’s yeah, it’s like, just like putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation, like something new, like a new job or something like that. Or even like going to new school or something like that. It’s just going to be you’re just going to have to make yourself be uncomfortable sometimes. Yeah. Because then you’re able to practice and just get better.
Christian Payton 08:47
So with that, as I’m like, in a bunch of like Facebook groups, and so one of them is like women that work out or want to start working out. And a question that a lot of the woman asked all the time is like, how do I like how do I become motivated? Or how do I stay motivated? Yeah. And like, a lot of the conversation that happens after that question asked is, you’re not always going to be motivated. That’s why you have to have discipline. Do you agree with that? Oh,
Sarah Haines 09:13
yeah, definitely. I think it’s, again, it goes back to, like, you know, pain is part of the process. And also, I don’t I just know how good I feel after my runs. I know how good I feel throughout the day, because I got up early and ran. And I think that’s really
Christian Payton 09:30
that’s such a nice, like thought process to me. Yeah, it’s
Sarah Haines 09:34
just like the thing that I crave, like, actually didn’t run this morning because I wanted to sleep in a little bit longer. Yeah, so I just did like yoga. But the same time I’m kind of feeling like I didn’t my body so you feel it now. I kind of feel that like, I don’t feel as good. I feel like as I usually do. Yeah. Sometimes I’ll worry that I put a little too much pressure on them. Like, I don’t think that like all of a sudden I’m fat today because yeah, right Mike? My muscles are deteriorating or something like that? Or I’ve lost all my, like, endurance. Yeah, from not running one day, but it definitely is like, I think just because I’ve been so consistent like the last six months,
Christian Payton 10:11
they say it takes 21 days to like form a habit. i That’s not true. It’s not true. Because I remember I started doing like personal training last year, for three weeks. And even after that, I was like, Oh, it was four months of not four months, it was four weeks, so a month. But then even after that, I was like, I don’t have to keep doing this. So I’m like, it definitely takes longer than 21 days. That sounds great. But after 21 days, it’s like, no, it’s takes longer than that. For me, at the beginning of the year, I said that I wanted to, like start back working out, because two or three years ago, worked out a lot. I told you, I worked at Orangetheory. I worked out a lot. And then my family just like works out. And I think from now I think I know, that was like an expectation because my mom does bodybuilding and and so it’s my older sister, everybody’s like, are you gonna do it? And then me being me, I’m like, No, but it was literally because I wanted to do it. And I didn’t want to do it in spite of them. And so I’m like, but that’s really like causing havoc in your personal life, like you’re choosing like not to do anything active because you’re like, you don’t want to like fall in their shadows. That makes sense. So that’s something that I like started, I would battle it. So I stopped working out for a while. And then I just started back. And that’s what you were saying. It really does like affect your day. So right now I’m like going on my lunch break to Well, every, like three days out of the week, I go on my lunch break to work out. And it really gives me something to look forward to. So in the morning, I’m like when I’m getting ready for work. I’m like, Okay, well, I don’t have to work out today. So I’m like packing my bag to go work out. Like it just gives me something to look forward to. And then even after, like coming back to work, I feel better. Because going into it. It’s like, oh my gosh, I have to work some days. It’s like, oh my god, I have to work out. But then even after you just kind of like feel like you’ve accomplished something, especially on the days when you like really just don’t want to do it, you’re doing it because like you’ve told yourself, you’re going to do it instead of when you like last week when I was like do I want to go work out and you were like, it’s literally an hour of your day. So those days it like I just feel like it’s it feels so much better. And it’s worth so much more because you just really don’t want to do it. And you still push past like that feeling of not wanting to. And then I actually read like quite a bit not as much now because I’m super busy. But I read, one of the books that I’m reading right now is a change agent, or it’s pretty much a self help. I like to read self help books. So it’s pretty much a self help book about this. Sports. Well, she’s an attorney, but she’s also a sports agent. And she’s pretty much like giving you tips and practical practical tools that you can use to like become ultimately have the success that you want to have like in your life. So I like reading a lot of books like that. And then something i i started meal prepping, I’d hate meal prepping, it’s so much easier to like pick up food on the way home or like for lunch. But that’s like a lot of money. So it adds up really quickly. So that’s something else that I’ve been like trying to do consistently. Because you could do it within like you fall off the bandwagon. And then it’s so easy to like, stay off. So like really just like building the routine to do it consistently. I think that’s the word. That’s really the word like routine. And then intentionally because if you’re not really doing it for the right reason, then it’s so much easier to like give up on it. Yeah, or burnout. Like, even with working out, I feel like a lot of people they work out because like they want to, like look better, but then like, that’s not enough because, like once you start to see those changes, you’re gonna stop. So if you don’t have like a reason other than like, your physical, then it’s like, like, you’re gonna stop any day now. So I think that’s like really big as far as like taking care of yourself, like being intentional about like, why you want to, like see these results or like, why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Sarah Haines 14:18
Or even remembering that like, what is like reality versus expectation. Yeah. So people will work out because they want to look good. But yeah, turns out, sometimes your body is just not meant to look a certain way. Exactly. You know, like, I’ve had to come to that conclusion a lot myself, like going through a lot of like stuff with food and like having a relationship with food. Yeah. And then having a bad relationship with working out. And then finally kind of coming to that conclusion that although it’s not bad to have goals, I think it is so much more about like being strong and healthy sort of
Christian Payton 14:55
working out with my new like, trainer, I guess I walked in on the first day, and I was so excited. And she was like, Why are you so excited? And I was like, Well aside from your drink, and like, see for energy, because you know, those, like, get you pumped up. I just knew that, like my reasoning for wanting to work out this time. Other than that, rather than the other times, it was just very different. Like my mindset was different. So I think that, really it does a lot of it has to do with like, being kind to yourself, which is the first thing that you said. Because that in return, like, affects how you go into almost everything that you do in your life, and the relationships that you have with other people. I meditate, which is Yeah, well, I tried to meditation and prayer are like very similar to me. I think that just like focusing your breath, and like, spending time with your thoughts is super important. So that’s another way that’s, that’s something else that I do to take care of myself.
Sarah Haines 15:52
It’s really a big part of like yoga for me too.
Christian Payton 15:55
Yeah, just being mindful of like, how you feel I was telling someone, maybe this weekend, I don’t like not knowing like how I feel like if I’m put in a situation and like, uncertain of like how I feel about someone or like something, I don’t want any part of it, because I’m so aware of like myself, and like how I feel. So when I get put in those situations, I’m like, and I’m uncomfortable, not just like being uncomfortable, because I’m like, shy or nervous, but like you make me feel uncertain. I want no part of it. And so I think meditation and like prayer, and just like spending time with yourself or even yoga. It just helps you focus and center your thoughts so that you’re even more aware of like, how you feel and like why you feel that way. And yeah, that’s huge. For me, that’s really, really big for me. And then I also feel a different when I’m not praying or meditating or kinda yoga, because even at the place that I go to now, where I’m working out, like you have to do certain like, it’s like yoga, it’s at the very beginning. So stretching, so stretching at the very beginning, like they do, like certain posts, like yoga poses at the very beginning. So, yeah, I’m trying to like, I’m incorporating all these new things in my life all at once. I’m like, that’s why I’m crazy, right? Maybe
Sarah Haines 17:11
also, it’s just that you’ve been needing to do new things. Yeah, we’ve been feeling really stagnant. Like, that’s kind of how I’ve been feeling.
Christian Payton 17:18
Yeah. Have you ever practiced like meditation? Or is that like yoga for you? Um,
Sarah Haines 17:23
I haven’t like, like practices and and just like then meditation. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Usually, it’s at the beginning of the little yoga classes that I do. It’s all on YouTube. So free. Yeah. I use the called boho, beautiful. It’s just a YouTube channel on you. Okay, on YouTube, okay, their name is boho, beautiful. And they’re really cool. Like a couple that just does yoga stuff at the beginning. They always have like, a few minutes of like, getting your thoughts centered. And then whenever they have you in shavasana at the end, when you’re just laying down flat, then they have you like meditate a little bit more. Like you can stay longer if you want to.
Christian Payton 18:03
Yeah, okay, that’s hard though. Like meditation so hard because we live in like, such a like, fast paced like busy, like, consumer world, and our attention spans are so short. So even spending like 10 minutes with your own thoughts. It’s like, Okay, I gotta get up and do something. So like, and I think a big misconception with meditation is like, you have to like focus your thoughts and not think about anything, but that’s not the point of yoga of
Sarah Haines 18:28
nothingness. Yeah, can’t possibly think of nothing. No,
Christian Payton 18:31
I don’t even think that’s the point. Like you’re doing some at all. You’re supposed to like embrace your thoughts like or that’s what I do at least so I don’t know if I’m doing it wrong, but like I just embrace the thoughts that come to me because once you do that, like then like you can clear your mind but trying to like ignore stuff is only gonna like pick at you more, I think. Yeah, that’s been my experience.
Sarah Haines 18:53
Definitely like the boho beautiful people. They give like a visual representation or visual scene I guess scenario where it’s like you know, the thoughts come by whether negative or positive and you reach and you grab them and then you look at it examine it is this worthy time or emotion and then you just let it go, but at least acknowledge it? Yeah, definitely. I think it’s it’s also the idea of you don’t want to push away bad things. You don’t want to always avoid pain at all costs. Oh, my God. Like, that’s a big thing for me. Like, I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to try to find another job. Yeah, because I just was trying to make myself as comfortable as possible. And that also goes along the lines of being stagnant doing the same thing every day. Even doing the same thing that doesn’t make me feel good every day. Yeah,
Christian Payton 19:46
I actually just had that conversation to add query, which is talking about this actually just talked to my friend about all these things yesterday. I was just talking about that yesterday as far as like, I remember I was going through like a really bad breakup at one point like my very first break And I just like kept like waking up like crying and my mom would like, give me like, she would talk to me, but she would give me like different books to read. And like, I wasn’t reading them. I was like, 17. But I remember she one day she said to me, um, you’re gonna keep, like having the same issue because like, you don’t want to, like deal with the pain, like you want to, like, I just kept accepting, like, mediocre. And she was like, you keep accepting and going back to the situation because like, you don’t want to feel the pain, but that’s literally the healing part. Like the healing comes from the pain. And so I was like, okay, that’s like, really powerful. And I like apply that to my daily life. Well, I try to, like, keep that and like, apply that to my life now. So I was just telling one of my friends yesterday, you the same thing, my mom told me when I was 17, you’re still doing that, because you don’t want to deal with pain. And it’s funny, because he looked at me and he was like, No, that’s true. Like, that’s actually very true. And I think it’s interesting that you just said that, because I feel like that’s the reality for a lot, a lot of people like just doing something over and over and over again, when you know, it’s not good for you, but you’d much rather feel like that, and then actually go through, like, do the hard work. And, like, get to the healing part of whatever it is that you’re going through. Because it’s so uncomfortable. And being stagnant and like living in a state where like, you know what it’s gonna be like, that’s, it’s so comfortable, it’s comforting. It’s that’s distorted. Because you know, that it’s bad for you. It’s like, not good for you at all. But you’d much rather stay in that situation, because you’re comfortable there. Like, you know, like, what it’s gonna be like what it looks like. And that’s, that’s really, really distorted in a way. Not like, that sounds bad. But it’s strange.
Sarah Haines 21:40
I think a lot of the time that we live that out through relationships, yeah, typically, it’s somebody just being really comfortable. The other person not putting enough effort. But then at the same time, it’s like, you don’t want to be with them. But at the same time, they give you that comfort like they know you like yeah, you know, like, you’ll have to start over with someone new and like, open up to another person and have to trust another person. Yeah. And it’s so much easier to not. It’s just about the emotions at the moment. Yeah, we’re so focused on, on, like, how do I feel right now versus like, and just like, again, I was talking to my friend about this yesterday, too. She and I are talking about our boyfriends. And we’re just saying that. Sometimes we think like, we don’t want to react to things right away, because we are both at the age where we’re thinking about long term and not necessarily Oh, marriage, but long term in the idea of, I want this person to always have good feelings about me. And so if I say something hurtful now, even if I ask forgiveness for it, they’ll have to live with what I said, they’ll have to live with what I said. And they may never forget that even if they forgive me. Yeah, there’s some things obviously, like your parents say to you that you know, whether or not they meant it in that way it lives with you, it lives with you, you know, and even sometimes becomes who you think you are.
Christian Payton 22:56
Yeah, I feel like you’re very like intentional with the way that you choose to live your life and you’re like, self aware. And I feel like, at this age, you don’t really get that often. Like, a lot of the times I’m like, You have no idea that you are this way, do you and I just sit back and I’m like, and I just watched and I’m like, This is crazy. Like you really think that it’s this person’s fault. Or you think it’s this person? And I’m like, really? You’re the Okay, that’s like that is? I don’t know, it’s like a breath of fresh air.
Sarah Haines 23:29
Well, it’s like, whenever you’re around people that are like, so accepting of bad behavior. It’s like,
Christian Payton 23:35
Sarah Haines 23:36
I don’t know. Like, I never would have thought this is okay. But yeah,
Christian Payton 23:39
it is. I think it’s becoming like, the norm or accepted. I feel like it’s just most things are just accepted instead of like, no, like, that’s not right. Yeah. So
Sarah Haines 23:51
and that had to do a lot with like, social circles and like your friends are and like, can they accept criticism? You know, or are they so like, insecure in themselves? That everything somebody like anything people say to them, they’re gonna take offense at? Yeah, like, just be like, turn it around. And
Christian Payton 24:09
they’re a victim? Yeah. Oh, that’s interesting. That’s so exciting for me. Super exciting for me.
Sarah Haines 24:15
Well, I kind of feel the same way about you, you definitely seem like you are getting to the point where you’re like, Okay, I want to take care of myself like this, this and this. And that, to me is very, very intentional. Yeah.
Christian Payton 24:25
I mean, it’s been a build up for me. And I could say the same for myself.
Sarah Haines 24:28
And even like, a week, and I’m like, and then I’m back to it. Yeah.
Christian Payton 24:33
And that’s something else this weekend. Terrible, terrible. Like, not necessarily not like terrible, but I was saying that I wasn’t because I prepped my mills. But Friday, when the snow storm hit, I was like, I’m gonna have pizza. So I order pizza and then I think yesterday I ate out again, but I said I was only gonna eat out once and I ate up twice. And so even this morning, I was like, It’s fine. It’s a new week like I messed up last week, but I’ll do better this We and that’s like such a game changer like giving yourself grace, which we also have a podcast on that as well. But just knowing that you’re gonna mess up sometimes, but just like getting back on track, I feel like is a really big part of like taking care of yourself. Not like you should have goals for yourself within, you’re not going to always hit those goals because life happens. So just like getting back up and like starting where you left off instead of like just beating yourself up, and then you have to start all the way over. Because that’s what I would do for a long time. I would say, Okay, well, I’m gonna eat clean, and then I would like eat chicken. And then it’s like, okay, well, I guess I gotta start off. Well, I did back this one time. So I messed up all this work, I might as well just keep eating bad. It’s like, that’s not how that works. And so for a long time, like, I genuinely did not understand that. And it wasn’t until maybe a few months ago, maybe I would say a month ago that I was like, Okay, well, if you mess up, just get back up, and then start where you left off instead of making it harder for yourself. Because ultimately, that’s what you’re doing. You’re making it harder for yourself. So
Sarah Haines 26:07
Well, I think also, if it’s along the lines of like, I messed up, or I failed. It’s so much easier to just be like, Oh, I can’t do this. Yeah, like, I just can’t. And then from there, you know, it’s easier to give up. But it’s also like, realizing that it’s like, again, taking that cloud and then like letting it go. i Yeah, like, Oh, I didn’t want to do this this week. Alright, I’ll just be this week’s goal. Yeah. And it’s also like I didn’t, yeah, again, I didn’t mess up because I didn’t reach my goal. I just didn’t push hard. I didn’t like not push hard enough. But I just didn’t quite reach it. It’ll just Yeah. Future looking at the future.
Christian Payton 26:44
No, yeah, that’s, um, so this year, I didn’t write down new year’s resolutions. But I, I did something different because people always say, and I believe this, that like you are what you consume. So is that if that’s like food, TV music, like you become like what you are listening to? Yeah, so instead of like, and I usually don’t even make New Year’s resolutions, because I know that I won’t ever stick with them. But this year, I was like, very intentional. And I did something different. So I recorded myself, like talking out loud to myself, like saying what I want out of the year for me. And so now I just listened to it constantly. Because if you’re listening to what you’re, you can become what you want to become like, if you can, if you can apply what you’re if you become what, what am I trying to say? If you are if you become what you consume, listening to like other people, you can apply that same thing to your life and speak like positively to yourself. So that was pretty much my whole mindset when I decided to record myself talking to myself. But I listened to it constantly. And something that I said was pretty much I think a lot of the times, I felt like, when hard times would happen. Or whenever I would just go through like struggles, I would get upset and then obviously like that’s to be expected. But even I corrected myself in the in the recording because I said, I’m not gonna let or what did I say? I always try to quote stuff and then I mess it up. Like not let yourself get hurt or something or it was something like that. But then I had to correct myself in the middle of me talking because I’m like, no stuff like that happens. You just can’t stay there. Like, like, you’re gonna get discouraged. You can’t live there, you’re going to experience pain, you just can’t live there. So, so it, they were just like, all these things. And I was like, I’m not gonna let this this this this and this happened. And I’m like, that’s not even real. And I feel like that’s like a mindset like that people have, it’s like, Oh, I’m not gonna do this, this and this. And it’s like, no, you probably will, but you can’t live there. Like you can’t allow yourself to like live in those states because it happens. So that’s, that’s the point that I was trying to make. Because I that was something that I had to tell myself just stop at the beginning of this year, like know what’s gonna happen and it’s okay when it happened, but don’t live there. Like continue to strive for whatever it is that you’re like trying to get. So always keeping that in mind as well. And then now next, I think the next one was um what are some of the ways that or yeah, what are some of the ways that you cope when you feel like you are like really just beating yourself up and like down on yourself? And like, how do you shake back from that?
Sarah Haines 29:33
Well, I feel like I am. What is it called whenever you like draw energy from being around people and then you don’t talk about being or if you draw energy from being by yourself? Like the different personalities introvert extrovert? Yes. I feel like I’m just stuck in the middle. I’m like, I want to be around fresh energy like new people. Yeah. I don’t want to like have to talk about my problems right now. I just want to like, see random people and just feel like, maybe even pretend them somebody else in a way just for the night. Yeah, just like, don’t have to worry about my problems tonight. I’m just gonna have fun. Yeah, sometimes it’s like you need that mental break. If you’ve been overthinking and overthinking all day or all week, or whatever it is about a certain situation. And that’s how I would cope from some like anxiety. And then sometimes I also know, it’s, I need to be creative. I need to be away from people. I need to be by myself and do the things that make me feel good. Yeah. But I think that the main thing for me is sticking to my schedule that helps me and helps me cope. I do need time and space to like, figure out figure out how to react to certain situation. So I don’t know, I guess it’s time I need time. Yeah. And I need patience with myself, and then also trying to stick to my routine, but at the same time, making sure I’m not guilty if I get off my routine. Yes, going back to I didn’t mess up. I just got busy in life happened. Yeah. And that’s to be expected. You know, instead of my real my expectations being that I’m this perfect, this perfect person that can’t mess up or fail or even look a certain way.
Christian Payton 31:29
Yeah. I thought What did you say just now that was just You said,
Sarah Haines 31:36
part about being around people or
Christian Payton 31:38
Yeah, even recognizing that like recognizing when being able to recognize like, how you feel. So you said sometimes, like, you know, like, you want to be around people because like you overthink and like you need a mental break. And then other times, you know, that, like, you just need to like be by yourself and just create because that also helps you being able to recognize that is super important. I feel too because for a while I just was either just hanging out way too much and like not not being there for myself enough. So I was giving more of myself to like be around other people than I was like actually doing stuff to like, work on me. Or it was like the complete opposite. Like I was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. And I didn’t want to be around anybody. And that wasn’t healthy either. So like having like that fine balance of okay, well, I know during these moments that I want to be around people. And then during these moments, I know, I want to spend more time like within myself to better or help or just like self help. Because a lot of the times like we want to look for other people to like help or fix our problems or talk to them about our problems. And not realizing like really we have the answers already. A lot of the times we have the not all the time, but I feel like a lot of the times like we have the answers to the questions that we’re asking. We just kind of want like pity or sympathy or like we just want to talk about it even more or a way
Sarah Haines 33:06
out. Yeah, know what the right thing is. Yeah. It’s like, Please give me an excuse to not have to do this. Yeah, it’s gonna make me uncomfortable. But I think it kind of goes back to the whole filming yourself on a video. Like, I think that’s such a great idea. Because nobody can change you. But you uh huh. You know, I mean, there’s situations, but you know what I mean? For the most part, yeah, for the most part, like how you see yourself and how you see other people? That’s up to you. Yeah, like, if you’re the one telling yourself these things, instead of it being somebody else, I guess telling you? Yeah, I don’t know. I just like that idea. A lot of, you know, you’re the one that has to change, just like us giving up control of like, I need to change this person. Yeah. Or like, they’re not living their life. Like if they would just do this and it would be so much better. I don’t know, it’s just a lot of that is giving up control and to just kind of focus on what am I doing to make myself feel complete, like, like, I’m doing something with my life, I guess that’s just always been my ultimate goal is to feel like I’m fulfilled. And also that I’m contributing to the people around me. Yeah, yeah. That’s so
Christian Payton 34:19
interesting. I feel like I’m like talking to myself in the mirror by talking to you. So what are some moments in your life? Or what do you feel like causes stress for you in your life?
Sarah Haines 34:30
I mean, I feel like a lot of things. I mean, I definitely have had bad social anxiety. A lot of that came from being homeschooled. Yeah. But pretty bad social anxiety. And then finally, when I was a junior at LSUs, I actually met a girl Her name’s Jesse. And she brought me to minestrone and it’s a venue downtown. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there before. It’s really awesome. We should have never heard of it. Yeah, I’m actually Aren’t show there on the 25th Well, not just me. I’m like, Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, it’s gonna be fun. It’s also a music show. Okay. Anyway, so I met the owner, David Nelson. And ever since then, I don’t know, I just started putting myself in situations where I was really uncomfortable. Yeah. And it would be like, I would just go in by myself. I like most of the time there wasn’t anybody free to go with me? Yeah, I really didn’t have any friends at the time. Yeah. But yeah, it was just me going. And I would pretty much just hang out with David. But I eventually just started meeting people and becoming really, really comfortable. And then it got to the point where it felt like almost a second home for me. Yeah. And I think that that built so much of my confidence, like just being able to interact with people. I was like, Oh, I am normal. Like, I can be normal. Yeah, you know, like, I can be the confident one in the room, I can be the one that walks in. It’s like, this is my business. Every time I’m feeling like really insecure, when I walk into a place, or just like walk into a social situation. It’s not that I’m like, acting like I’m ordering people around. But I just, I kind of get into this character where I’m yeah. I’m the business owner of this place of it’d be doing your job. I don’t know. It just makes me feel so confident. And then from there, and when it comes to like, social situation. But I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to my family, too. So it’s, it’s because I was my parents were so religious, I think, too, that had a lot to do with me. Confusing. My relationship and my spirituality are based off of what they thought of me, right? And so it’s like, oh, well, would they do that? Okay, well, that’s actually right and wrong, not exactly what God is like, trying to tell me right now. Yeah. And so that was really confusing to me for a while, and still is really, it’s something that I struggle a lot with, like, morally, when I’m thinking about, like, what I’m doing, like, even in a situation, I’m like, Oh, my parents say about this. Yeah. Or even like, really? What would they do? It would be what, what would they say I’m doing wrong in this situation? Or, you know, what would they say? I’m doing right? It’s a little overpowering sometimes, but totally getting past that mental state of like, they’re gonna love me no matter what. But also that, you know, they’re not God. Yeah. Like, that is something that’s been really hard for me. But I think that’s where a lot of my anxieties come from, like social interactions. And then also like, how, because how they view me then it’s like, how I view myself. It’s like, Am I good person? Am I living my life? Right? My wasting my life? And I think that’s been a lot of my anxieties the last few years. I mean, really, since I was a kid, but been really bad since getting out of school, because then it’s like, when are you going to get that job? Sarah? Yeah, no, it’s like, when are you going to stop wasting? And not to say they put so much pressure on me? A lot of it’s in my head. Yeah. You know, it’s me interpreting because I’m already insecure about how they, they view me.
Christian Payton 37:55
Yeah. That’s powerful that you even like I’m saying, it’s like the fact that you’re even able to recognize these things. I think that’s why it’s so much more impressive and powerful. Because again, like that’s, that’s hard to say, it’s me, not them. Like it’s all me putting these, like unrealistic or like these expectations that they don’t have on on me at that. That’s interesting, I think so kudos to you about that. And I would have never recognized that you struggle with social anxiety because you’ve just been in here like, on 100. Yeah,
Sarah Haines 38:31
login into this point. I was thinking like, before my the job interview, it was the first interview I went on. And actually, I didn’t go on another one after that. actually planning on it, but I was just like, You know what, I just want to be here. Yeah. Um, but before I came in, I was like, why am I not super anxious, then all of a sudden be like, Oh, I’m gonna throw up. Uh huh. And then I was like, You know what? It is not about my it is about whether or not I’m good for this job at the same time. That doesn’t mean I’m any different. Yes, maybe that they need somebody who does this, this and this. Yeah, it’s not about me. It doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t go look for another job after this. Yeah, it’s not that I should just give up and be like, Oh, well, nobody wants me because there’s one place we didn’t fit or I didn’t fit. You know, so I think that’s what really made me like way more confident cuz I was like, You know what, they’re the ones that are gonna figure it out I’m not interviewing somebody the pressures not on me the pressures on them really, right. And I kind of flipped the script a little bit on myself. And I just was like, Just be honest, go in there. That’s a game changer fo be very much yourself, you know, and just don’t freak out about it. And I definitely was nervous for some of it.
Christian Payton 39:42
And that was something that like, I really appreciate it from when I interviewed because I remember Sydney saying like, they are really looking for a candidate that would fit the culture here and like, everything else can be taught. So I was like, okay, like, Well, that makes me feel better. So just like be like, be Christian, like be yourself and like that. Really, obviously it benefited me because I like off the job, but I’m happy to hear that was your kind of kind of sort of your experience as well like you just being yourself and then, like you were the you were the fit for that puzzle when you I guess you completed the puzzle here. But yeah, um, that was, I had a similar experience as far as that. But to go back to the actual conversation that we were having as far as like, what causes like, stress for me, yeah. Having like, all these things, but no, like timeline on like, when they should be done. That’s something that I’ve struggled with, like working here. So like, we have like our task and Zoho Projects. And so they’re like, deadlines at like, the third Dubai, but then I’m like, right, but like, what’s priority? And so even just figuring out like, what’s like, what I should prioritize has caused me so much stress. And it’s like, just ask, like, just ask, like, what did you focus on or just like, because having it on the computer for me, I’m like, I can see it. But for some reason, like writing things down, like, an A list has helped me like, it’s been a game changer. So actually, like seeing what it is, like I have to do, but then like writing it down for myself so that I can like, check it off. I don’t know something about like putting pen to paper, like the old people,
Sarah Haines 41:20
you know, they they say, I don’t know, I don’t know what percent it is. But my teachers used to tell me in school in college, they would say we advise not writing notes on your computer, because you handwrite them you are like, I don’t know what percent. Yeah, you’re much more likely to remember and write and memorize things, and it keeps it in your head too. So I think, and that comes down to if you’re really more of a visual person, which I’m like, 100% I have to see it be done. Be Done. Have to see. Somebody see the process. Yeah, I had to see somebody do it. For me to like, understand it, like I have to see physically it’d be like, Alright, you’re gonna do this, this. That’s why like, I learned everything from videos. Yeah, like YouTube. Saved my life so many times. Yeah. But yeah, definitely, I like writing it down, for sure. That has
Christian Payton 42:09
really helped me, even at the beginning of the year, which I took on so many new projects. So I was already working here. Once that was kind of like, I already had a routine for like, getting up getting ready for work, and then getting to work and whatever. Like after that was just like kind of whatever. Within when I decided to get a puppy, which I got the puppy, like the day like I knew that I was getting a puppy the day before I got it. So it wasn’t something I’d been planning for are just like, my mom texts me on a Friday and was like, we’re going to pick up a dog on Saturday or tomorrow. I’m like, Okay, well, I’m a new dog, mom. So I started that. And then I started real estate school. And then I decided to be a CASA volunteer. So it was just so much newness at one time. And I didn’t know in what order to like, prioritize what. And so there was just so like, my first, my first like three days, I will like go home and like cry. Because I was it was just like so much like stress. And I was just overwhelmed. And I wasn’t like to me, I’m like, What’s the most efficient way to get everything done. And I didn’t know because it was all like it was literally all new. Like I was doing everything at this, like starting everything new at the same time. But now I have like my planner and everything else that I used to, like help me like stay on track. And then also just self realization, me realizing that I was really doing that because it was more of a comparison thing. Because that although I’m doing a lot I was I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. So not even knowing I was comparing myself to other people that I like, see around me. And I was talking to my little sister one day, and I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. But I was telling her like, I just felt stressed out because I started so much new stuff. And we were just having a conversation and she goes to me it sounds like you were doing that because you were comparing yourself to other people. And then she goes get off social media. And so I went to hang out with another friend and I was telling him about the conversation that me and my sister had and he goes no, I would agree with her. Like, it sounds to me that you were doing all that because of comparison. So I would also say get off social media. So that’s something that I’ve had to do recently, but I realized even social media causes a lot of stress for me like anxiety and like anxiousness because I’m constantly like, Okay, well, I’m, I’m doing all these things, but I’m not doing that. I’m not doing that one thing. So how do I like incorporate that as well. It’s like, Girl, just focus on this like that, like, this is your placement this is your time, not that one thing. So that caught that has caused a lot of like stress for me. But then, like, even working out like going back to that that has like helped a lot because that’s like one thing that I sorry. That’s one thing that I look forward to every day then I’m like, Okay, well I know like at least I can get my mind off of all these other things and just focused on it. Just focus on this pain, just focus on like, being uncomfortable here. Because really, when you’re like working out, you really have no time to think about anything else. Because
Sarah Haines 45:08
it’s like physical pain versus other places mental pain. Yeah,
Christian Payton 45:12
it’s like I really like I just have to focus on like, because for me something that I’ve realized, when I’m like learning a new, just new anything I want to, I want to do it like, as perfect as possible. So like, so with working out, like your form is super important. So you don’t hurt yourself. So I’m like, blocking everything else out, like watching whoever’s, like, demonstrating because I’m like, I want to do it, obviously, like, I’m new at it. So it’s not going to be just like them. They like they’re professionals. But I’m like, I want to do it as closely like, I want it to look as close as possible to the way that you’re doing it. Yeah. And so that, that helps me a lot too, because I’m like not thinking about anything else. I’m literally just focusing on it, which over compensate some or I do too much with that sometimes as well. And that caused the stress. And I’m like, not really enjoying the workout as much because I’m so focused on trying to do it perfectly. And I’m like, so really, I’m in my head all the time, like 24/7. And that causes a lot of stress, like getting out of your own head, which is something that I’m still learning how to do. Yeah, all those really that I just named a lot of things that cause me stress. And something that I’ve realized, like recently is I actually am very socially like, I guess I would say I’m socially awkward, I have social anxiety in certain situations. Which is why a lot of the times I like, like, I’d much rather stay in my comfort zone, which that’s not good at all. But then I’m like, Well, I know I’ll I’m comfortable with these people, I like these people. And then I guess some of my experiences just like in life, just you know, high school, like the typical high school stuff. And then even like after that, it’s like, I try to like stay away from all that. So I’ll just like stay here in this bubble. But that doesn’t really help your self growth or like, it doesn’t help you at all, pretty much in the long run, because you’re playing it safe in a situation where like, we’re young, like we’re 25 We shouldn’t always play it safe. like certain things. It’s like, obviously, you shouldn’t go running downtown, like at nighttime. But like other things like going to like social settings where you can like meet people and like you know, have new opportunities, you should never play it safe when it comes to being in situations like that I feel. So getting out of like learning to get out of my head and just like go for it is something that I’m still learning because that in itself is number one on my list of stress. Like that causes probably the most stress for me in my life. Just strange because I talk so much like I can I can talk to I was telling one of my friends yesterday. Because I’ve heard like, you’re like you’re nice, but you’re not friendly or like you’re friendly. But you’re not nice, like so vice versa. And I was like maybe I’m just not friendly. But I’m really really nice. And he goes you are really you’re really really nice. I was like yeah, but just like the friendliness or just like knowing how to like, have conversation with random people not know like that is that I don’t care for it at all.
Sarah Haines 48:19
Definitely don’t do it all the time. But I’ve kind of been, I guess back when I started to miss any I would. And I’ve done it more since then. But I will just do a thing where I’m pretending to be somebody else. Yeah, I’m like, pretending to be a really confident version of myself. You name me. No, it’s like, what’s her name? Well, it’s like building off of myself, but giving myself a lot of confidence. I don’t have,
Christian Payton 48:45
but it’s funny because you do.
Sarah Haines 48:47
Yeah, it’s like it’s weird, though. I’m reaching in and finally like gret it’s like
Christian Payton 48:51
an alter ego. Yeah, it’s an alter ego. Maybe I should create one. Do you think that you encourage other people to take care of themselves? Or?
Sarah Haines 49:02
Yeah, I just encouraged them how I would try to encourage myself right and vice versa. I mean, sometimes I think why am I so hard on myself? I would never treat my friends like this right? You know, so yeah, it is frustrating sometimes but you know, patience is part of it and some self control because you have to know the person I think to sometimes to be able to advise them specifically on what they need. But again, I don’t get why so many people come to me for advice on like, like my friend was like, like my friends recently have been asking me what to text their boy and Oh, love interest. Yeah, just like I really why me because I’m probably the most awkward out of all of
Christian Payton 49:45
you. It’s funny because I get the same quite often. But I can help someone it’s so much easier for me to like help other people with their situations than it is for me to actually like help myself and nine times out of 10 I know the answer. It’s just like actually like executing So I can, I’ll happily help you execute what it is, whatever it is, like you’re trying to do. But then like, when it comes to myself, I’ll sometimes like put that on the back burner because it is uncomfortable. Do I think that I incur I think that I try to encourage, I think I encourage people more with the way that they think. So I’m like, or, or maybe this, this and this, like, I try to, like help people with their perspective, I actually have a sticky note on my desk that says, pretty much it says your perspective shapes the way that your reality is, which is true, like, the way that perception is reality, the way that you choose to look at a situation is what it’s going to become and your life. So the way that you speak, to speak about situations or the way that you speak to yourself, like, that’s how you’re going to look at the situation, that’s how you’ll look at yourself. It’s the same with people the way that like you look at look at people or it just really, you’re the way because we train our mind to listen or to think certain things. So like, when you’re being negative, you’re literally training your mind to go into every situation in your life, and you’re going to be negative. So people, it’s funny, because on social media, like I see people that I know, in real life that are like really negative. And like they post certain things. And I’m like, like, it sounds great. But like, I know you in real life, and you’ve literally everything, everything that comes out of your mouth is negative, which is why you are the way that you are. And it’s really as I would, I would say as simple as changing your mindset. But I know it’s not that easy. Especially like when you’ve programmed yourself or were 25. So if you’ve been like this literally your whole life, it’s not as simple as, you know, just starting over and doing something different. Because you’re having to go against what what your normal is. But it really, I try to encourage people first by like helping them or just like helping them like see things from like a different lens. Or even playing devil’s advocate, because sometimes I have a bad habit of that. Sometimes it’s like, I will agree with what you’re saying. But like, let’s look at it from this lens. Like, how about we like look at it from like, maybe this point of view, even if I agree with what you’re saying. It’s like, that just helps you like broaden your thought process and maybe like not think, or just be like so dead set on, like, whatever it is that you think you think. Because sometimes we think we we may think that we think something, it’s like, that’s not really what we think like that’s what we think that sounds like we think that’s what we think we think but that’s not really like what you think. And it sounds like silly, but like when you really sit back and think about that or ponder that thought it’s it’s true. Like, where did this thought come from? Like, this isn’t even an app, most thoughts that we have aren’t original thoughts. So sitting back and like thinking for yourself and coming up with like these ideas or these concepts? It’s a I think it’s a it’s been a game changer for me, like challenging things and not just going with what I was taught was correct, or, yeah, it definitely will change, like the outcome of your perception will also change the outcome of your life like, so. That’s my spiel on that.
Sarah Haines 53:10
Yeah, definitely agree. What about that, like, going off of like, I love playing devil’s advocate. It’s mostly me, like, I catch myself doing this a lot. But I don’t think it’s in the sense of like, I’m trying to frustrate my friends or anything like that. But again, for instance, going back to, like, one of my girlfriends is like having issues. That’s guy, she’s talking to whatever, girl or guy. And they’ll just be frustrated and coming to me with what they said what the other person said, like everything about the situation from their perspective. And then I think, Okay, well, what if this person could be possibly thinking about this way, especially with guys don’t understand them? At all. They never think about when that we would Oh, not not at all. And so for me a lot of the time, I know that I want somebody else to kind of help me. Because the main goal is just to make the situation better, right? It’s not just to, again, thinking long term. So you don’t want to say something that’s super hurtful. But at the same time, like you don’t want to waste your time or like be played.
Christian Payton 54:16
There was one time where I heard or maybe it was me, I don’t know. But the situation was we pretty much are all main character. Like, we’re all main characters. So like, this is a movie and I’m the main character and everybody else around me are extras or whatever, like I’m the main character. But when you look at it on the flip side, to you and your world and your reality, you’re the main character and I’m an extra or whatever the correct term is, but that’s like the you have to think about that. Like when you’re in situations most of the time because you’re thinking about it from like a selfish standpoint, and sometimes you really should be selfish. Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish, but other times it’s like you Do you have to like consider like what the other person may be thinking or like what the other person may be going through. Because I know, as a woman, I’m going to speak for myself, a lot of the times like, and for me past relationships, it was like me reacting, like from a text message could because I read into it the wrong way. And then it’s as simple as like, maybe he’s having an off day, or maybe like you just read into it. And like, that’s not really what he meant. So even like last week with one of my friends, but he piggybacking off of what you were talking about, but she was kind of upset because of like, the text message thread between her and her, they gotta she was talking to, and even when I read it, like, I could see what she was saying, like, as far as like it being dropped. Then I said, it was like, Well, how about like, you call him because text messages are like really hard to, it’s hard to read what somebody could mean, in a text message for one. And two, it’s like, check on him mentally, like, maybe he’s being dropped, because mentally, like he’s not together or like something’s going on. So I think like taking a step back from being the main character of your movie, just taking a step back of being the main character of your movie, and like, like just being like a human being, like, not always being like a movie star. I’m remembering that other people are human beings. And their main, their main characters have their own movie. So people go through things. And I think it’s like humbling yourself. Because that’s a humbling experience, like feeling the way that you feel. And still, like deciding to swallow whatever that is, and check in on somebody else. That’s very, very humbling. And it’s hard. And I don’t know many people that actually enjoy doing it. Some people are just naturally good at it. But for them, I don’t know too many people that are just like, naturally good at like swallowing how they they feel to check on other people.
Sarah Haines 56:43
That’s part of coping. Yeah, yeah. Like, just not getting so caught up on emotions right away. Again, something I’m trying to work really hard on is having self control and not reacting right away. Yeah, it’s just like, whenever, like, somebody would text me. And it’d be like, back in the day when I didn’t really talk to my parents, or much when I was going through between moving out and then where I’m at now. But I would take like almost a whole day sometimes to reply. Yeah, especially if it was a confrontational text, because I knew that whatever I was going to say, as soon as I saw that was going to be honestly kind of inappropriate, probably for the situation. But also, it’s just not something that I wanted to say, because I’m thinking long term now. I’m thinking about how what I say finally, like finally realizing that what I say affects and can last with people because of how sensitive I am. I remember a lot of things people say to me. So just going back to what I want someone to treat me like this. Yeah, I think if you take time when you can, sometimes you have to react right away to situations. But if you can, just taking the time and getting like a fuller perspective, not just how do I feel right now.
Christian Payton 58:00
That’s something that I, that I’ve been like working on, which it’s been kind of like a, it’s strange enough, too much of anything can be bad. So even with that, like taking the time that there has to be balanced, taking the time to like, pretty much except accept things for what they are. And then like, look at it from somebody else’s perspective, and not just like reacting. I do that so much now. And now people are like, you’re so understanding. Christian, you’re so and I hate it now. Like now that’s, I hate being told that I’m understanding because I’m like, that doesn’t make your actions like okay, like, it’s almost like I give people passes now at this point in life. So I’m literally learning like, like, where’s that balance of like, reacting and then being proactive in like listening and like really like thinking through your feelings before you just say anything? Like there is no balance we write for there is no balance for me right now. I’m like learning it
Sarah Haines 58:59
from my own experience of like being very insecure, and then seeing how I act around people versus when I’m very confident and how to act around people. It’s like, I’m two different people. It’s crazy.
Christian Payton 59:11
So I think the last question that we have for today is Was there ever a breaking point in your health? And what did you do to get out of that?
Sarah Haines 59:23
Yeah, the situation I was in is a little embarrassing, but it’s fine. I’ll talk about okay, so um, I moved on to my parents house, very suddenly when I was like 21 or 22. And I had to find somewhere to live. So I had some friends I lived with a couple different roommates. And then finally I got to the point where I couldn’t find a roommate but I had to move out of where I was living. And so I was looking and I only had two weeks. So I was like on Facebook market all these places trying to look and I finally found a place on Facebook market. And I barely looked on the inside because it was I don’t know I live on myself to go look at the house was just too Guys, with me and I was sketched out, but the placing fine like I didn’t say anything I was crazy and also was desperate. Yeah. So I went with that house live there from like November until I guess it was around March and that was going into 2020. And so that’s when COVID hit Yeah. And I lost, like, money from not working, you know, I didn’t have hardly any savings, actually not at all. And I was getting to the point where my parents and I were kind of getting back to good terms. And one day, I came home from work. And I was also at the point where I was actually like, losing a lot of weight because I couldn’t afford to buy like regular. I couldn’t afford, like the amount of food I was eating before. Yeah, and I also was really anxious. So most of the time when I ate something, I would throw it up. I came home to my house, and I felt like things biting me on my feet and my legs. And I realized, oh, I have fleas. Yeah. And it was the worst. Like I wasn’t in any kind of contract. Really? Yeah. For the house was was really shady. Like there was holes in the walls. Like, it was kind of hidden like they had hid it from me. Okay. And then you know, it was a month to month lease. But also as at the point where I was so anxious. I didn’t want to look for anywhere else. I was like, Come comfortable ish. And so the bugs set in. Yeah. And it was really from all the Highland cats because it was actually not really too far from here is between olive and Highland. Okay, by the Highland Center Center.
Christian Payton 1:01:31
I’m not talking about like, right across the street. Okay.
Sarah Haines 1:01:34
I just saw somebody moving in there. The other day, I was like, oh, good luck. Don’t do it. I remember just being like realizing what I was doing, which was I had scrubbed the floor with Dawn. Well, like I knew what to do to get rid of fleas. But I think that I just, I don’t remember, like how hours and hours of scrubbing pretty much. Yeah. And so like I just came to and then I just start crying. And I just felt like, I was totally alone. Like, there’s nobody there that can help me. Like it was COVID I couldn’t even have my friends come over and help me. Yeah, I mean, like, I just felt like the worst I’ve ever felt. And then suddenly, I was just like, You know what I kind of, I don’t know, I came to this kind of realization. And I felt because ever since I’ve been in my parents house, tried to avoid anything religious, tried to avoid anything to do with I guess having a relationship with God, just because I wanted to avoid it made me feel pain because of my family. And like the church I was in like, I just came to a terrible place where I just felt totally alone. And it was it was a hard month. But I’m really grateful because I had people to support me. And so my family ended up helping me out. And that’s kind of where our relationship they were just like you just come live with us. And ever since then it was so much better. It’s crazy. I never thought I could have this kind of relationship with my family. Yeah.
Christian Payton 1:03:00
Definitely in situations like that, that she went through. That’s when you realize like, okay, like, they’re not as
Sarah Haines 1:03:04
awful as I thought they were like, they were right. Yeah, other things too. And, but then,
Christian Payton 1:03:09
like, when we’re like, when you’re that young, like, there is no telling you anything, so you kind of have to like bump your head. Some people, me, I have to bump my head. And I think my mom’s like, kind of like learning that. Like, she’ll tell me and then I’m like, Yeah, whatever. And then I like go and I do it. And then I’m like, I felt awful. But then she’s always there. And I know that she’s always gonna be there, she’s always there to like, you know, support me through the whole getting up process and like, not necessarily starting over. But like, you know, picking up where I left off. So I think I’ve probably I’ve probably had a bunch of situations where like, my health, mental physical, like, kind of like, went downhill and usually for me, it’s like more of like emotional because I am so willing to like give to other people and I don’t really focus on me. So usually for me if I’m like, going through something really hard and I have to like start or I’m like picking myself back up. It’s usually like more of like my mental health. And I think for me there was there was like a breaking point for me. I think I was just in bed one day, like super upset, just not been upset for a while, but like, I didn’t really know why. Or like what it was that I was going through. Like, I wasn’t even aware of like the feelings that I felt I just knew that I was like upset, but I couldn’t like pinpoint, like what the actual like emotions were. And so I remember randomly like, like going through like the directory and like through foreclosure looking for a therapist, and that same day, like just just like signing up for therapy, going to therapy and like sitting on the couch like crying and she was like, Okay, well that’s like new, like for a first therapy session. Like, that’s really really Yeah, I was like open it up like immediately but it was just something that like I knew I need it for a long time I built up it definitely was built up just to like lay in bed. Like not wanting to like move, and then like just like crying, and then just my only outlet being like, I need to go talk to a stranger. And she didn’t even talk, I literally just started crying. Like I just, it was just like, I don’t know, if it was like the space that I was in, like, physically the space that I was in, or I don’t really know what it was like, even to this day, I’ve never really thought about it or examined it. But like, that was like a moment for me where I just knew, I have to do something. And for me, it was like, I have to go to therapy, like, this is something that I need for myself, because I can’t keep like fixing or trying to fix things or fix people, or listen to like all these other like, be everybody else’s outlet when I don’t have an outlet of my own. So for me, it was finding a therapist and like going to therapy like to get help, because I needed it. And that’s also there’s like a stigma there like with going to therapy like oh, like you’re quote unquote crazy or like XYZ, but no use, ever, but everybody does. And then it’s just like nice to have some like an unbiased opinion, like someone that has no idea who you are like, because sometimes like you can talk to your friends about things, but like, you don’t really tell them everything because like they know your parents or they know your sister or they know, like, your significant other and like, at the end of the day, no matter how understanding somebody is like, they’re, they can’t help it’s like human to, like look at somebody differently when you know, like they’re like a terrible human human human being. Or as like a therapist, like they’ll probably never come in contact with, like whoever you’re going to them to, like vent about. So there’s like, they’re non biased. And yeah, and there’s like something beautiful about that whole situation, like you literally just being able to be, like 100% vulnerable to somebody, whether they’re, they’re only a stranger in the beginning, because you don’t know them. But like, the more you go, it’s like you build a relationship with them. And there’s beauty in being able to, like, be vulnerable and like, so that you can be 100% Like, they’re like you have to be not necessarily empty, but you have to like open up those wounds and like really just like dig through those, all those things so that you can be a full person, like a well rounded full person at the end of the day. So that’s like my experience with it.
Sarah Haines 1:07:12
Well, the thing with a lot of things, like even when I think about my parents religion, you know, it’s like, I had to go through things for me to think what, um, what do I want to do to help me cope with stuff? I never want to be in a situation again, where I feel like that. Yeah, like, so I need to learn tools to know how to cope. But I think for so long, I didn’t work for one It started off with not knowing it was me that had to pull myself out of it. Then it got to the point where I realized that but how do I do that? What is what is that in a practical sense? Yeah, they’re just like, oh, well, you just you feel better by yourself. But by doing what and I think having a therapist, it’s such a huge part of that because they’re not gonna there’s no chance they’re gonna go and tell everybody what you’re going yeah,
Christian Payton 1:07:54
like literally legally, they can’t. So legally
Sarah Haines 1:07:57
they can, I guess. But yeah, I just, I think that’s really awesome, too, that you stepped out and did that and put yourself out of the comfort zone. I’m still trying to like your myself up to find a therapist, but also like, expensive.
Christian Payton 1:08:11
Yeah. Luckily, I was on my mom’s insurance. I used her insurance, but Okay, so last thing, you said something about, like practical tips, like, what are like one or two, like practical tips that you would, or tools that you would give someone or tips that you would give someone like, needing to take care of themselves or like pull themselves? One, it starts with realizing like it’s you that like, has to pull yourself out of it? But like, how
Sarah Haines 1:08:38
will I think it also depends on like, what is the problem? Like, what specifically everyone has different things. But I think that the core, a lot of people are genuinely just insecure about themselves and always comparing to other people. So I think it’s starts off with you being nice to yourself by treating yourself well, you know, like eating well. Yeah. Going through your routine. If you need to build up a routine, feel better. You give yourself little goals, too, that have to do with your spirituality or the way you want to speak or talk to other people. Right? I think well, because spirituality is dealing with yourself and then other people. Yeah, but yeah, just being kind and like, easing into things too. Like just like running, you’re not going to go out and run a marathon the first day you go running right, right. It’s like, you’ll kill yourself. Yeah. And so to me, it’s just like being kind taking days off. Knowing when you need a mental break, or a physical break. Yeah. Just yeah, trying to read yourself take time to reflect and meditate. And just like see where you’re at. am I feeling bad today? Like, you know, writing oh my gosh, writing stuff down. Definitely at all. It’s such a big tool, just getting down to things that maybe you feel negatively about yourself. It’s good to write it down because it kind of feels like you’re able to I grabbed the cloud look at it, and then just like, let it go.
Christian Payton 1:10:03
I’ve actually done that before. I wrote a letter to I wrote a letter to I wrote a letter to myself, but I addressed it to the person that I wanted it to go to. And so I just wrote it as if I were talking to them. And I like put it in an envelope, like put the dress on and and everything but a sample and as if I were literally going to mail it to them. And I mean, I never did, but that helped me a lot as far as like getting past whatever the situation was, and getting out what I wanted to say to that person that I felt had wronged me or XYZ year. So writing is definitely a great tool that I would recommend as well. So that’s it. I really enjoyed you on the first on on your first episode, not the first episode. Did you have fun? Yeah, a lot of fun. Okay, well, until it’s so easy to talk about yourself, right? Yeah, definitely. So until next time, we’ll see on the next episode. Thank you
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