November 12, 2021

young + creatives

How Has Your Family Influenced You?

Welcome back to the young+creatives podcast! In this week’s episode Christian and Mikayla dive a little deep, searching inward to discuss how they were influenced by their families.

In this episode of young+creatives we cover several key topics including:

  • Christian’s experience growing up in a single parent household
  • Lesson’s Mikayla has learned from her parents
  • Setting expectations for your relationships
  • Has has your family’s standards affected your life’s choices?
  • Going against things we were taught as children

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Team RMG  00:00

Welcome to the young creatives podcast brought to you by our vision Marketing Group. Young creative will serve as a platform to promote, discuss and give advice on Millennial creatives coexist in a traditional job market.

Mikayla Anderson  00:16

Welcome back to the traders Podcast. Today you have Well, this week. Today you have Christian and Mikayla. Yes. So,

Christian Payton  00:26

hey guys,

Mikayla Anderson  00:28

very much. So. Um, so you guys met Christian last week. And today we’re gonna be talking about something a little interesting. I guess it’s super in my chest like a little different than our like normal content, because it’s very, I don’t want to say our normal content is in deep, but like this more fun. Yes. This one’s more like.

Christian Payton  00:56

Like, like searching inward? Yes.

Mikayla Anderson  00:59

So today, we’re gonna be talking about how our family has influenced us as adults. So I guess the biggest will we could just answer that question. But, Christian, I know you grew up in a single family household, like how was that growing up.

Christian Payton  01:19

Um, so going through it. I hated it. Because all of my friends had like both of their parents. Luckily, I was friends with quite a few girls who their dad like took on like the father role in my life. But as I got older, I started to understand that it was probably for the well, I know, not probably it was for the best that my parents got divorced. A lot of times, I would hear that, like, you come from a broken household or a broken family, if your parents are divorced. But I learned later that had my parents stayed married, I would have been in a broken household. So I really do think that coming from a single parent household was beneficial to me specifically, I can’t speak for my sisters, or for anybody else that comes from a single parent household. But for me, I feel like it was very beneficial.

Mikayla Anderson  02:13

And growing up my parents have been together for almost I think it’s like 26, seven years. And so, like, that’s crazy. Especially because most of my friends growing up. Were from single family household really? Yeah. And I don’t know. Like, I personally thought it was like a North thing. I don’t know, like when I was growing up, but like, it’s really weird, because like, when they’re like, oh, yeah, I have a bag for my mom’s house in my dad’s house. Like, I never had that concept. Because I was always on one house. And I’m super not saying I’m not thankful. I very much am thankful for that. But it’s, it was a very, like, normalized thing. Growing up, like saying like, okay, yeah, like my parents were separated. And I never realized, like, how grateful I am to have my parents together. And so with that, like, how has your fit? How would you say like, just being raised by your mom has helped you or not helped you.

Christian Payton  03:28

Um, so I think that being raised by just my mom has helped me in a lot of different ways. Specifically, like, my mom is just like a go getter. And she’s a hard worker, like I was telling you earlier, like, her motto for life literally, is just do it. So I think that just growing up, and really recognizing all the hard work and sacrifices that she made in order to get herself to the position that she’s in now. And then also raised me my sister’s to be as successful as we are. That’s really influenced me. And it’s like, I have a great example of, or great role model for what a strong black woman is, because I can look at my mom and see that. But also, I feel like strong is is such a, I don’t know, it’s like it’s a word. It’s positive, but I feel like it can also be like, a negative. I look at it sometimes as a negative. Like sometimes I don’t like being called strong. I don’t want to be called strong. Because I feel like it’s a word that’s often it’s usually associated with being a black woman like being a strong black woman. And we’re women. So we don’t want to have to be strong all the time. But growing up with my mom being a single mom, she was strong all the time. So that’s something that I’ve taken on as a woman. I’m like, strong all the time, even when I don’t have to be certain relationships. I’d like there is sometimes there is no like soft, feminine side to me. There’s just like that strong side. And it’s hard for me to Sometimes it’s it’s really it’s a struggle for me to just like, just be. Sometimes it’s really hard for me to just be. So I think relate to that. Yeah, yeah. So I think that she’s influenced me in like a bunch of different ways even like putting your best foot forward saying what you mean meaning what you say, I’m going after everything that you want in life. So those are all great lessons that my mom has taught me. But then there are also just like things that she knows that I see in her that I don’t necessarily agree with. But then I like reflect on look at myself and I see those things in me as well. Right?

Mikayla Anderson  05:40

No, I can. Yeah, I can very much relate to that. I’m so growing. I was telling Chris the story. But mom if you’re listening, I’m sorry for telling. So growing up so I didn’t necessarily live in like a super not at all, not even close to living into like a super wealthy neighborhood. St. Francis was kind of known as like, literally like the town of rednecks. Like rednecks, big trucks, like chew tobacco like people get pregnant in high school like overdosing on math all this crap. Yeah. And the thing is, is like very innocently, my mom, she coupon. And that has nothing to do with like the town we are from, like, I was so embarrassed about my mom couponing. Because I was seeing like, not like, no other families, like, specifically catering, like their meals and their routines over this couponing. Like if there was a buy one, get one free for a specific type of shampoo, you best know we’re getting that. Even if I don’t like it. Even if it makes my hair look crusty, like we’re getting in. And so like, I was so embarrassed. But the thing is, is I just like vividly remember, like, sometimes like she would be like, Oh, hang on, I have to pull it like and she would be like holding up the line. And like all these things. And as innocent as that was, I was just like, so like, What the heck are you

Christian Payton  07:21

doing? I’m all good together.

Mikayla Anderson  07:23

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So like that was like, one very innocent thing. But at the same time, my mom and my dad always used to tell me growing up, never go to bed, mad at each other. And I’ve taken that into my marriage with Trevor and the ways that that’s helped me in our relationship, who shoves kiss literally, like so much? Because you never like once you go to bed, you’re going to wake up, man. And you’re, you just need to like DPAC those things and start fresh. Otherwise, it’s just gonna be like dragging and dragging, and you don’t know where it ended or blah, blah, blah. Um, so that was like, the two biggest things that my family standard’s has helped me in a way. But getting into the like, deeper part of it. How have you seen your mom, like growing up with your mom or your sisters? Like, impacted you? neg? Not negatively, but like, put you in a situation where you’re like, oh, like, am I supposed to believe this? Or, you know, I’m saying?

Christian Payton  08:50

Um, yes. So as far as being like, too strong, I feel like that’s one way that mom, the way my mom, the way that I saw my mom has, like, negatively impacted me as a woman. But even What’s something else? Because my mom’s not perfect. And so it’s it’s funny for me to be having this conversation with you because she and I have these conversations all the time. What’s something just Rebecca did that I’m just like, Girl so growing up my mom, my mom wasn’t very emotional. So my mom because she has to be the mom and the dad often feel like oftentimes I felt like she like played more of the dad role. Like she was just like, very like stern and strict. And like she was mean like, my cousins always remembered. My mom and Becky being like the mean I like my friends always said like yo mama mean like, that was just who she was because she said like, I can’t be your friend. I have to be a parent, right and Nahmias only parent. So I just have to be like very stern and strict with the So she was mean, she wasn’t very emotional. And now as an adult, me, I’m like, I’m not emotional at all, like, emotions make me cringe. It’s so awkward to me like, like me and my sisters don’t hug. Like, we just started telling each other I love you. So like, imagine me saying that to like a friend or someone that I’m in a relationship with a boyfriend, it’s just like, it’s, it’s awkward for me to like, do those things like, I don’t like physical touch at all, like, Don’t touch me. But that’s because I grew up in a household with with like, physical touch, or like, just like openly saying, I love you all the time. That’s just not how I grew up. So that’s not the norm for me. And that I feel like, is a way that I was negatively impacted by something that I was shown or taught as a child.

Mikayla Anderson  10:53

That’s really interesting, because I also, I don’t want to say my parents never told me that they loved me.

Christian Payton  10:59

But it wasn’t just like something they said all the time. The only

Mikayla Anderson  11:03

times they did was after something super big or something that like happen. Yeah. And so with that, like going into adulthood, like, I need words of affirmation, like, I need you to hold my hand, I need you to tell me you love me at the end of the night, like, so it’s different situations. Yeah, for the year.

Christian Payton  11:32

Very different.

Mikayla Anderson  11:33

Absolutely. And also, another thing, so I don’t want to say this is like a negative thing. But my dad, he coached Fastpitch softball for me for like 10 or 12 years of my like, entire childhood. And that’s like all I remember growing up and like, it was like, literally instant I could hold a bat until like high school. He like, coached me, he was there for me. He bought all my equipment, like, he was there at every game like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so he, as a coach, he has to say certain things. But as a dad, he can’t say those things sometimes. But when certain things happen in the game, he can’t to pick like what emotion to go with. And so hold just like he lets it like rule. So he literally like if he has something to say when you like screwed up, or when somebody else screwed up or whatever. And he does this himself, like he will call you out. And he’ll be like, he won’t call you out two days later, he won’t call you out a day late, he will call you out on the spot. And like one of the very specific instances was, like, in a softball game, something happened. I don’t remember what happened exactly. But he was talking to the umpire. And he like threaten my dad to like, he was like, you’re gonna get thrown out of this game, if you say anything else. And it’s just like one of those situations because he has to swallow his pride as a father. And realize like, okay, maybe I’m not right in the situation, but also still, like, stick up for his team. Yeah. And so I very much do that, too. Especially at work. Because my emotions are so involved here. Like, I put all my passion into it. I want the best for like everybody here that, like 90% of the time when I’m stressed. I’m just like, stressed because I know things could have gone better and it’s different way. Yeah. And it’s not like oh, like, I’m disappointed. Like, I might be disappointed in myself. But it’s like, I’m only disappointed in myself because I know I could do better. Like it’s not necessarily bad. It’s just like yeah, yeah. So that’s how that’s affected me growing up but based on like how your mom raised you and just growing up with like, you said you had four sisters three sisters. So just growing up with just sisters. How do you think that has influenced influenced yourself and like how you look at Sisters sisterhood or single moms in general? Like do you have a greater appreciation for them?

Christian Payton  14:55

Oh my gosh, I respect anybody that’s a single parent. Yeah, like Of course, hats off to single moms, single dads, like if just raising a child is not meant for one person, but to be able to do it and do it successfully. Like, that’s not talked about enough. And so kudos to like every single parent out there. But I’m gonna shout out my mom because she had to single mama. But I think that I have a greater appreciation for single parenting. And then I have such a great appreciation for sisterhood because I have like, I have three sisters. So even like in friendships, it’s like I expect what I give to my sisters or what my sisters give to me out of my friends because I off a lot of the times if I’m calling you, my friend, like, it’s, it’s much deeper than just like a friendship. Like I look at you and sister. So I would I expect my friends to treat me like my sister straight me or like, Come to me the way that my sisters would come to me, or even to just like know, me as a person the way that my sisters know me. And that’s not always the case. Like I’ve had quite a few times where that’s backfired. And I’m, I’m like, really upset. My emotions are running high. Because I’m like, Well, if you’re my friend, really my sister, how would you not know? Or why would you go about it this way? Or why would you not do it this way, or whatever the case may be. And it’s like Christian, like, take a step back. That’s not your sister. Like, these are your sisters. So I look oftentimes, like, can I buy myself and my dog like, I kick my own butt sometimes for going about things that way, or looking at friendships that way. But then I’m grateful because I know, I recognize that I have three best friends like permanent best friends, so and so my mom being a single mom, she raised us that way, like your sisters are going to be like not your only friends. But those are like your sisters are your best friends. So you can always count on your sisters, you can always run to your sisters. And oftentimes, like I told you earlier, I had friends who had like, both parents, so I would be with them all the time. And I was always with like them and their family because that’s what family felt like. That’s what I thought family was supposed to be. So that’s what I want it to be around all the time. And then now as an adult, I’m like, No, family is what I have, like my sister, my mom. Yeah, and like I have a greater greater appreciation not just for single parents, but from us for my sisters like the three of my sisters as well, because that’s what true friendship is to me. Like I was taught friendship in the midst of growing up as with a single mom and three sisters,

Mikayla Anderson  17:30

right? Yeah. Yeah, cuz I’ve. It’s so hard because I’ve had I’ve had like, some super deep friendships, not only in college, but like, in high school that, like I carried with me. And I was like, I thought it was a really good friendship. But it was non and it was super toxic. And those expectations bite me, because then I see potential new friendships that are actually toxic. And I don’t recognize it as toxic because that’s what I thought friendship was. Yeah. And so it’s a lot of relearning, a lot of relearning the wheel and 90% of the time, like, learning. First of all, making friends as an adult is

Christian Payton  18:37

hard girl. Yes. Like, yes,

Mikayla Anderson  18:41

I am. 22 and I moved to a whole new city like a year ago and I literally can say like, the only people that I have like actually like known who has had my back. Are my co workers in Traverse coworkers.

Christian Payton  18:58

Oh, dang. Okay.

Mikayla Anderson  19:02

Like, I haven’t, like met anybody out of the circle. Wow. That I’m like, Yes. I want to be your friend. Yeah. Like, yes. I want to, like, hang out with you and like, go get coffee and because like, the thing is, is when you’re with these people every single day, like you’re like, dang. Like, I know, I can trust them because I can see their work ethic, like on an everyday basis. If I’m gonna go hang out with this girl at a coffee shop that maybe I’ve met like one or two times before. I think it’s like the trust issue for me. Yeah, like I don’t want to say like, oh, you’re freakin doing drugs behind the coffee shop. But it’s like, I just see like, I already see like your guys’s worth ethic proved and your values proved here without like setting up the awkward situations of like, Oh, are you democrat or republican or bubble Wah? Like they naturally come up? Yeah. And it’s like those different and like not I would saying I wouldn’t say like, choose friendship over Democrats or Republicans, but like, just like, I know who you are as a person naturally versus like it being so staged. Yes. Yeah. And it’s like dating.

Christian Payton  20:27

That’s exactly what finding friends. That’s what it’s like, as an adult. Yeah, it’s like dating. You have to literally like friends.

Mikayla Anderson  20:33

Yeah. Unless, like you’re super drunk at a bar, like, and then you just stumble upon people like Michael does. He does that a lot. And he’s living his life over here. I absolutely love it for him. But if you’re a girl, and that happened to you, like 90% of the time, like, there’s going to be a cat fight within the next

Christian Payton  20:54

few weeks. Honestly, girls just aren’t as friendly. Like, just huh. That’s all.

Mikayla Anderson  21:00

Like, I need some girls that are going to be real with me. So

Christian Payton  21:05

that’s why I’m thankful for my sisters.

Mikayla Anderson  21:08

Yeah, three of those. Yeah, seriously. And like, with the biggest thing is like, knowing that my dad is so blind, how he like how I saw that growing up, I saw it, like not only in, quote unquote, funny ways like that. But there was like, a lot of instances where, like, we had a lot of death in my family growing up. And it was a lot of like, grandparents or cousins of them or whatever. And I quite frankly, just ask them, like, do you think they’re gonna make it? And he would give me a blunt answer. Like when he knew I was ready for that? Yeah. Like, and he didn’t lie to me. He wasn’t like, Oh, time will tell like bla bla bla, like, he would give me a blunt answer. No. And I think that helps, but also, like, hurt me. Because it’s like, you can see how much like, words have power. Because it’s like, asking someone where you’re on like a rock rocky relationship with them? Like, do you still love me? Like, I don’t know if I want to know the answer to this. Yeah. Like, are you gonna make it to? Or like, do you think they’re gonna be living next week? I don’t want to know the answer to that. Yeah. Like, did I get into college? Like the one college that I like? Absolutely loved. I don’t want to know the answer to that. Yeah, like as much as I do.

Christian Payton  22:46

It’s almost like, you want the answer. But it’s like, I don’t want to say you want to be spoon fed. Yeah. But it’s like, soften it up for me. Yeah, just like, say it, right. And that’s something else that like, I can relate to like, my mom. She just says it. Like my mom just, she just goes for she just says it. I mean, with me and my sisters, we all have very different, we’re all the same. But we all have like our own just different personalities. And so I’m the most like my mom. So I receive things. And I’m just like, whatever. Like, I’ll take it. I’m like, whatever I’ll do. It’s really like do with it what you like what you will. That’s like, those are her intentions when she’s talking to nice, but she’s had to learn over the years. With my older sister Brandi, she’s more. She’s more sensitive. So when my mom’s talking to her, she has to really think about what she’s going to like say before she just says it. Mm hmm. And what the twins it’s very similar with me. It’s just like, I was thinking this and that’s just what it is. And so I took that into my adult years and a lot in high school. I just said whatever. Like it’s just this is what it is like, I don’t feel bad about it. And then now at 24 I cringe thinking about some of the stuff that I said, Girl Why were you so mean about it? Like, why don’t you just say it like this, like those people have emotions too. Right? So yeah, I do a lot of like, just reflecting and I’m like, Oh my gosh, that’s your mom and you like Yeah.

Mikayla Anderson  24:14

And it’s so like, it’s different. Because like growing up as kids like you can be like, so blunt, like, Oh, you want to be friends now? Yeah. Or like, do you think this dress or shirt looks cute on me now? Like that is like that might seem little but like realistically that’s gonna like hurt somebody’s eye. Yeah. And they didn’t sign up for that.

Christian Payton  24:38

No, I literally had a friend once tell me because I literally Okay, so in high school, I had on some white jeans. I wear some white and my alpha was so cute in high school. I don’t have to wear like uniforms. So the Alpha was so cute to me. I got home it was like white jeans and like a striped sweater. But it was it was in the it was in the middle of winter. Not only my mom was like, why are you wearing white? Like you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day. And I was like 16 I literally am 24 years old. And I do not wear white after Labor Day. You cannot force me to wear white after Labor Day because there’s a such thing as winter white, according to my mom. So I wear a winter white now. And I had a friend and she like, she was wearing something why? And I was like, I don’t like those. And so I would literally just do it all the time. Like, I would just tell her like, That’s not cute. I don’t like those. Like, we would go shopping. I’m like, put that back. That’s not cute. Like, oh, like choose something else. And she finally told me like, I didn’t ask for your opinion. Like in the way you gave it is rude. And I’m like, Oh, you’re right.

Mikayla Anderson  25:38

Yeah. Honestly. And like, that’s such a good example. Because there’s so many things that like I do, and people don’t ask for like, this is a very common one that me and Trevor just like, openly, I will say like, we hadn’t argue about it. It wasn’t even an argument. It was like a little like, Yeah, but I constantly like my mom growing up was always cleaning up after me. Like she was right behind me picking up the towel right behind me like picking up the shoes, putting them in your closet kind of thing. And now I’m seeing that in me as an adult. Like, as soon as Trevor gets home from work, like literally, he put his keys down, take off his shoes, I grab his shoes for him put it in their little shoe organizer like he cracks an egg leaves the shells on the counter, I grab them, put them in the trash like, and it’s just the way that I’m wired that I’m just like, and I always get mad at him. I’m like, why don’t you clean up after yourself? Like, why don’t you clean up yourself? Like it’s literally like, these little things. Like, it’s not so hard to like, go and walk to the trash two steps away, instead of putting it on the counter. And he’s like, I clean up after I’m done. Yeah. That’s his way of doing that’s his way of doing it. Yeah. And like, it was literally just like a whole different, like mindset turn. And like, he started doing the laundry at a different time that I did, because it wasn’t the time that I wanted it done. He still gets it done. Which is still like, like,

Christian Payton  27:17

No, I get it. But it’s just

Mikayla Anderson  27:19

like, setting the X are the expectations that your parents put a new are now coming into yourself and you’re putting those into your friends. Yeah, yeah. And so how have you like seen that? Either within like your relationships, your coworkers, just other people in your life.

Team RMG  27:41

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Christian Payton  28:23

will specifically and I feel like something that me my sister joke with my mom meet one of my younger sisters. My younger sisters are twins. And so me and one of the twins always joke with my mom. And we’re like you want people to read your mind. And like, I’m not fixing to do that, like so unless you say it like it’s just gonna be on your mind. I do that I do that like my last boyfriend hand are still really good friends. And I just yesterday I posted on social media and it was a girl and she was saying she wants flowers. But she doesn’t want to have to say that she wants flowers because you should know that she wants flowers because she’s thinking it and he responded and he was like, oh my god, this is you. And I’m like yeah, that it is me like I am expecting you to read my mind all the time. When it’s so simple to just say hey, I want flowers. But to me I’m like you should know that like I’m deserving of them so why don’t you know that right and my mom is the exact same way I’m the exact same way yes, maybe it’s one thing I don’t know.

Mikayla Anderson  29:25

Because like when girls are like Michael shaking his head yes. When girls when guy okay. When girls see that this guy loves them. We have this like expectation that you’re gonna get me flowers because you love me. Yeah. Or like you’re gonna like send me a good night Tex. Because you love

Christian Payton  29:50

me or I’m just thinking about you throughout the day.

Mikayla Anderson  29:53

Yeah. Like, you’re thinking about me. And I I want to know that Hey guys,

Mikayla Anderson 30:07

and

Mikayla Anderson  30:10

honestly, I’m just saying guys aren’t that smart to know it? Yeah, they ain’t that smart to know like what exactly to get you to please you. They just need like, sometimes. This is very much Trevor I think me saying like, Oh, I need a new vase for my flowers is a big enough hint right? No, I got to put it in the Save for Later Amazon cart.

Christian Payton  30:43

Oh my god that’s different I haven’t heard that word.

Mikayla Anderson  30:53

No, I got to put it in the Save for Later Amazon cart

Christian Payton  30:57

so that way you knows that he knows that you want it? Yeah. And it’s

Mikayla Anderson  31:01

like tangible on his phone. Yeah. Because he’s gonna hate me for saying this, but he don’t listen. Yeah, like he listens. But when I’m like, oh, we should do this. We’ll be like, oh, yeah, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.

Christian Payton  31:17

And so I think that’s why my ex boyfriend was just so frustrated with me because like, like the smallest things like, I would mention, like, oh, I want to do this like randomly and he would just like randomly remember and like, set those things up for me and like, we will go do those things. But it’s like, I want flowers. And you should know wait. Like, literally, that’s something that I think in my head and he has no idea of knowing it. And then I’m mad. I’m really upset with you for about a week straight because it’s like, why haven’t I received them yet? You know that I like them. We’ve discussed my favorite flowers multiple times. I’ve quizzed you up quizzed you asking you like, hey, what’s my favorite one of my favorite flowers? And you can you can tell me what my favorite flowers are. So why are you not getting them? For me? It just doesn’t make sense. But then again, that’s literally my mom in me that I see. I recognize it because my mom’s the exact same way.

Mikayla Anderson  32:12

Yeah, and maybe it’s crazy. No, my mom’s the same way. Yeah, cuz she’ll be like when, see, it’s different, because women know, though that like, we think that way. And so when my mom goes and picks up my dad from like a party and he’s drunk or something she knows to go through the Taco Bell drive thru, because that’s what my dad like,

Christian Payton  32:42

exactly.

Mikayla Anderson  32:44

But if my dad was in that situation with my mom, which would never happen, they’re going straight

Christian Payton  32:50

home. Yep. Yeah. It just goes to show we’re wired differently,

Mikayla Anderson  32:56

I guess. I know. Like they’re going straight home. And like

Christian Payton  33:02

me, he’s probably irritated the whole time. Yeah.

Mikayla Anderson  33:05

Or he’s expecting some at the end of the drive. Love you. Guys, but okay, so going back into it, I guess? How has your family standards? Influence like how you take that into yourself? And how, like, have you met them? Have you not? Do you plan on meeting them? So like, for me, it was like, my family expected me to graduate from college, and I did it.

Christian Payton  33:37

Um, I think that my mom put certain expectations on us. And then as we’ve gotten older and challenge them, they’ve kind of changed. So at first, that was an expectation for all of us, like you graduate high school, you go to college, and you make something of yourself. My older sister is she’s still in college. But her her life like she just took a different path. She chose to get married first. And then like finish school. I went from high school to college, but then I’d set out a year, I finished school, but it didn’t. It wasn’t the four years that my mom had mapped out for me. One of my sisters, one of the twins, she went to a community college for a year, she realized she didn’t like school. So she’s not doing school, which is fun, which my mom is now coming into. She’s now accepting that and then the other twin chose not to do school and she’s doing the military. So I think that the expectations that that’s one expectation she put on is that she is re of re evaluating herself, because there’s more than one path to success. And I think that she growing up in the time that she did or coming Yeah, growing up in the time that she did the right thing to do was to go to college and then you get a good job. But that’s not The way of the world anymore. And so we realize that, and now she’s having to shape or change the way she was looking at college. So that’s one example. Something else My mom has always taught us to give. So that’s just something that’s huge with me and all of my sisters. Anytime we do something, it’s from like a giving place, like from the most sincere part of our heart, like, it’s just very sincere. Like, it’s something that we’ve thought about if we genuinely want to do it. But I know that’s also something that my mom instilled in us. Every holiday, we would go downtown. I think maybe this is birth, first Methodist on Texas Street. Anyways, we would go feed the homeless every holiday. So it’s just like certain things like that, or just like stopping and like buying homeless people food or just giving homeless people money, or just all types of things like that, that I know like that started from a really young age. That my mom, I think it started out like hard making us do it. And then it turned into us, like genuinely loving to do like give back to the community or serve wherever we can, or just helping out like sounds like another passion of mine is like helping or wanting to help girls that look like me. So young black girls, but I know that’s because when I was little my mom worked at the YWCA when she was putting herself through college. So she was literally helping, like middle school, I think they were like elementary, middle school girls. And so she would, she would pick up me and my older sister, and she would like let us see the way that some of the girls were living compared to us. So that’s just a memory that I have for my child knowing that there are people out there that look like me, but live completely different. So now that’s a passion of mine as helping people that don’t maybe that some people, I mean helping people that come from similar backgrounds, but specifically like those that don’t, that don’t come from the same background as me. But I know that’s something that started with my mom. That’s something that that’s a way that she influenced me. That was an expectation that she put on us. And again, like I was saying it started out as like her forcing us to do it. And then it just turned into like, oh, I actually enjoy doing this.

Mikayla Anderson  37:19

Yeah. My parents also had the same expectation for college. Mostly because, well, my dad didn’t go to college, he went to trade school. And then my mom. She did two years. And then she got a two year specialty. So she didn’t technically do a bachelor’s. So I would have been first well I am first gen. Okay, that’s so that’s like super exciting. Um, which is it was hard because like my, like, it was a big goal. But at the same time, like they have knew nothing about like FASFA couldn’t really help you. Yeah. And so it was like a big thing to graduate in 2.5 years, like, on top of that, but I guess like another thing that they instilled in me was like, making, like, again, making sure that I think I told you this in the other room, so I’m just gonna repeat it. But whenever I was, like, super young, I would go over to a friend’s house, and always introduce myself to the parents, and thank them for dinner if I was over for dinner. I don’t know if that was because of them not getting that same energy back from my friends, or because they just wanted me to show gratitude in that way. And even today, like I still do it with, like, if I mean, let’s say your boyfriend walks off here someday.

Christian Payton  38:59

Oh, my, whatever he does come on me.

Mikayla Anderson  39:02

Whatever he comes up here, none of us know. I’m shaking his hand like different things like that. Like, I don’t want it to be like, Oh, hey, like,

Christian Payton  39:11

Yeah, cuz like,

Mikayla Anderson  39:13

you guys are important to me. I know, these are important people in your life. Like, I want to appreciate that. Yeah. Um, so that’s definitely one of them. I will say that one of them that didn’t go through was my mom’s. My mom’s parents were super, super Catholic growing up. And when I was born, I was the firstborn for my parents. And her mom was like, Well, you better get her baptized, like, a week after being born. Otherwise, I’m going to Hell yeah. And so I get baptized because my mom’s like, okay, whatever. We have to do that. Yeah. And then growing up, we went to a Lutheran church to continue to go to church because there wasn’t like any Catholic ones in the area. And my father was my father’s Lutheran. And so it was kind of like a compromise in that way. But in college, I then chose to go to a private Catholic University to honor my mom’s parents in that way. And also got a really good scholarship, whatever. But going there, I thought it was I was gonna kind of like rebirth and like being a Catholic, which made me like, totally not. Yeah. And I think that’s a really good thing, because I real, like, I thought it was something I wanted. And I thought it was something that I could really see, grow myself grow into. But then I realized, like, this isn’t for me. And I think that’s still like, super important to like, go through those steps, because I would still be kicking myself for not going on trying. Yeah. And I wouldn’t even know like,

Christian Payton  41:14

most definitely. I feel like that’s a huge one. Just as far as like religion, because I was, I was raised in the church, like, I grew up Baptist, and then a few years ago, or maybe when I was in Yeah, when I was in high school, like, we started going to like a nondenominational church. So we just like stopped claiming, like a specific denomination. But then like, as I’ve gotten older, like, I challenge a lot of religion. And so that’s totally against what I was taught as a child, right? But I’m, I’m lucky, because I can go to my mom and tell her, this doesn’t make sense. And she looks at me, and she’s like, I know, it doesn’t. Yeah. And I’m glad that you are bold enough to say or to challenge challenge

Mikayla Anderson  42:03

you to your mother. Yeah.

Christian Payton  42:05

Because she, with my mom. She was raised in a house where it’s like you do as I say, because I say so. And you don’t question it. And she didn’t raise us like that. So I would walk around to the child and correct everyone. Oh, I would literally be in a room full of adults. And my mom would have to be she always jokes. And she’s like, I had to like be very mindful of where I took you because you would offend a lot of adults, because you would just correct everyone. Like if they said something wrong, like you would just let them know, like, no, that’s not right. Like it’s this, this and this. But like growing up, like growing up, the way that she grew up. It was disrespectful for a child to be doing that. My mom didn’t raise me that way. So she always said, it’s not really what you say. It’s how you say it. And as long as you’re saying it in a very polite, as long as you’re not saying it in a disrespectful way. I don’t mind challenging an adult. But that has caused a lot of like, backlash with her and older generations, like in her family, because it’s like your child’s disrespectful. And she’s like, No, she didn’t say anything wrong. You just you don’t like that she’s young, a younger generation challenging what you’re saying to her, even though it’s wrong. Mm hmm. So, yeah.

Mikayla Anderson  43:18

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So there’s a lot in this episode, most definitely. And I think there was like, a lot to talk about. And I hope this gets like the ball rolling for people. Because it’s something that like, a lot of us don’t think about, on a day to day basis, for sure.

Christian Payton  43:38

It takes I think, a lot of like, self reflecting. And I think that like wearing, like, I think that we’re like, at that age where it’s just like, we’re just we’re moving like we’re doing like what we think we’re supposed to be doing. But it really takes like taking a step back think and like asking yourself like, Why do I feel like I’m supposed to be doing this? Like, why do I feel like I’m supposed to be in a specific place. And it’s a lot of the times it’s because that’s what we were taught. So I think that this episode was so important, because it’s really just like stressing that you have to do a lot of self evaluation as you get older. In order to understand why you are the way that you are so that you’ll know where you’re where you’re headed in the future pretty much like they say, if you don’t know your history, then it’ll repeat. I don’t know why I’d be trying to like quote stuff and then it’s something like if you don’t know your history, then like it’s gonna repeat itself. Yeah, I don’t know your history. It’s gonna repeat itself. So it’s important to like, just like look back and like truly understand, like, where things come from so that you’ll know how to change it or how to redirect or right. All That Jazz. I’m always trying to quote something and I quote it wrong. That’s okay. I think it’s hilarious. Oh, my goodness.

Mikayla Anderson  44:53

Well, yeah, it was a lot in this episode. was super excited to have you guys Give us feedback of what you think. So let us know what you think. Follow us on Facebook Instagram. Hopefully tick tock soon. But yeah, so thank you for tuning in and we’ll see you next week.

Christian Payton  45:19

Bye

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